Schott’s “El Condor Pasa”

With All apologies due to Simon & Garfunkel’s El Condor Pasa (If I Could).

I’d rather be a hammer than a snail–
Yes I would, IF I only could, I surely would–
I’d rather ride a steel bike than bamboo,
Or a Blue, you know it’s true, and so would you.

O Clay, he’d like to ride away,
Sporting a crown, that’s here and gone.
Poor Coupe, to hear the dear boy gab,
You know he lusts for Indy Fab,
For Indy Fab.

I’d rather ride in class down every street–
Like a man, IF I can, and yes I can–
More than vacuum-wrapping both my feet,
Yes I would, IF I only could, I surely would.

Isaac’s got a thing for bikes in white:
“Oh, gee they’re tight! They’re outa sight!” He’s just not right.
Some day he’ll come to find that the real boys
Think white’s just noise; they like their toys Candy Turquoise.

O Scott, Addicted poor ol’ sot,
A carbon child–it’s much too mild.
No steel, he’s stuck below the ground,
He’ll never know the joy I’ve found
The joy I’ve found.

Brian’s alloy tubes he can’t forget:
A bike midget, shimmies when wet–will nab him yet.
Chad would rather toss a Gallic ‘cross,
Than Huffy steel, IF he knows what’s real, FABulous steel.

Ladies and Gentlemen…
Joe Schott